Posted 11:14 PM

=(

Again.

Just got off the phone with her. During the conversation she was replying an sms to her friend. She then talked about how christmas eve is special because they get to count down (I didn't even know people count down for Christmas.) and Christmas day itself is just like any other day. She also mentioned how Christmas is a time to meet up with friends especially those not in often contact.

I know I don't have the custom of celebrating Christmas, but she doesn't seem at all keen to wanna be with me. She said she may be meeting her friends for both nights. In a state of dejection I said ok I'll spend it at home then, and she said something like 'see how'.

What is Christmas? It never meant much to me. Sure, I always look at the orchard road decorations in the news on tv and wish I was there, and I see other countries engulfed in snow and the spirit of giving and love and sharing and whatever there is for this season. I just long to be there building snowmen and shopping for everyone and sitting around a big table eating a feast with your loved ones. But in truth it's just another holiday with good shows on tv. Why, just last year, it was even worse when I got dumped by my girlfriend. I don't even think of Christmas. But this year it seemed different. I hear of Christmas parties though I am never invited, and I myself got involved in a christmas gift exchange to be held next week with my fellow mentors. It's my first gift exchange ever. I also found a girl that I truly love and I thought she can pass me some Christmas spirit and let me spend it with her.

Wrong. =(

I guess I still have a lot to do till being more important to her than her friends.

I feel so depressed. Argh I'm hopeless. I think I seem to be over dependent on her, but it's only because I love her so much.


triggering Mr Ng HS |