Posted 12:44 PM

Dating game.

Be ready to date three people
by Tan Kin Lian (who writes about social issues for www.bigtrumpet.com, a website of NTUC Income)

I encourage young people to be ready to date three people at the same time.
Why?
When you date a person, you get to know the person better - their values, character, behaviour.
If you are willing to have three dates, you will not be too choosy. You will get to know more people.
If you have to drop a date, it is not traumatic. You still have two dates. You can find a new date to replace the dropped one.
After you get to know a person well and you really like the person, you can drop the other dates and focus on your potential lifetime partner.
Do not worry about dropping the other two dates. They have two other dates, so it will not be traumatic for them.

I believe that this new approach will encourage those who are shy and lonely, to be
able to make a start. They do not need to be too choosy. Their dates will also be
more willing to give it a try.

All the best in your dating.

~~

纸上谈兵。
by Trent (who writes intelligent articles for numerous porn magazines)

Seems a lot easier on paper isn't it? (By the way for those who can't read chinese on their computers, the words literally mean 'talking troops on paper'. Sorry I can't think of the english equivalent right now.)

A notion of a guy having three girlfriends is just preposterous. So I totally assume by your definition of a date, it means it's just a casual appointment, and that the couple is not in a relationship. Understandably, I write this response with the mindset of a male.

Having many dates does sound like a good idea. You get to know more people well in the same amount of time. It's like an in-depth speed dating. But there are problems you have overlooked.

First of all, you make having three dates sound so simple. Not everyone has suitors queued from west coast to pasir ris. If this approach is to benefit the shy and lonely, can you imagine the time and effort they invest just to have a single date. And you want them to go through it again, and again, to get three?

Ok so assuming they do have suitors, or if both parties mutually like each other so that they really end up with three dates each. How is he going to juggle? Going out also requires time, and money. The young, unless born with some special coloured spoon in his/her mouth, do not have the capital. You can still have fun without spending much, you'll say. True, but wouldn't having more money to spend on ONE person be more practical. And you always hear about 'there are only so many things to do in Singapore'. A dinner and a movie can already cost $10 each, depending on when you catch the show and whether you have grass for food. Of course you can sit on the beach, at the void deck, at the park, and it's free. But as much as like I the sand and the sea, the peace and tranquility within the flora and fauna, I don't want to do that everyday. perhaps it doesn't matter what you do, as long as you're with good company. But there's an adjective called boring I'd like to introduce to everyone now. Maybe the girl doesnt' feel so, but the paranoid guy (not to mention the attributes of shy and lonely) will think that the girl finds it boring. Isn't it the societal norm that the guy plans on what to do next? I sincerely hope the trend stops soon. Oh, and we haven't touched on the emotional factor yet. How can a guy think of three girls at the same time? It's not easy to know a person well, not to mention three. Plus the entrance of the green eyed monster? Again one might say just know yourself and have faith in others. But surely you can't control jealousy. How would the guy feel when the girl tells him she's had such a wonderful date with this rich boy yesterday, or that she has watched all the movies she wanted to with the other two dates. Or that she has went to the beach yesterday and the park the day before, and that was exactly what you planned to do with her today.

Albeit yes, I agree that if you have three dates and you drop one, or one drop you, it's not going to be so traumatic, but wouldn't this resultantly make us treat dates like pawns? You can't just replace a dropped date with a new one. This only makes us devalue the relationship, making us think that it's ok to lose since you can always get a spare. And what about the scenario that the guy loses all three dates almost at the same time (which I'd say it's as likely as it's unlikely)? That's three times the trauma then, if you realise.

The more I think about it, the more I see that this plot will only result in more hurt than happiness, and when the person finally becomes desensitised to the disappointment, relationships would never be treated as sacredly and preciously as what was before. And what about married couples? Wouldn't they take this idea that they should come up with reserves in the event that their spouse leave them or they turn up incompatible eventually? Perhaps a little far fetched, but that's what you're tying to promote by asking people to date three instead of the conventional one.

Perhaps it is then the typical conservative trait of Asians. But I'd say right now in our present society let us stick to a date, each. Learn as much about her as you can, and make her know as much as about you. And if both of you want to take a step further, by all means go ahead. But if it fails, fall back on your rock solid foundation of a friendship. Failed lovers doesn't mean failed friends. Good friends don't just fall from the sky. Don't lose them over things so small.

There! I guess that's my way. For the shy and the lonely, you can't be shy and lonely all the time. Speak up not only when required, and act with confidence. Engage in a conversation, instead of staring at the ants on the ground. Do things with sincerity. Someday someone will learn to appreciate what you have, and be attracted by you. If you feel likewise, a strong friendship will be bonded, and who knows what happens next?

Dating isn't just a game.
It is a test, of yourself, of your partner, and ultimately the test of time.

triggering Mr Ng HS |