Posted 11:57 PM

I'm thinking of becoming a mentor.

We all got that email didn't we.

While some of you have clicked delete without even checking it out, I've gone on to read more about it, and I like what I read.

Briefly, here's what it's about:

You will need to commit to meeting the students at their school two hours every week on a weekday afternoons during term time for the next academic year 2004 - 05. You will also be working in a group with other mentors to plan activities for the teens. Applicants will go through a selection interview in May 04 and selected mentors are required to attend an orientation training in July. All applications must either be submitted online or handed in to OSA by 30th April 2004.

Check out the student mentorship programme.

I think it's gonna be fun. Like having a younger brother. He's gonna be of secondary one or two. Teaching him academics and whatever I know of life in general. Hanging out with him (maybe with other metor pairs) and enjoying ourselves.


Another part of me is terrified.
Am I really someone who can 'understand teenagers' fears and frustrations, appreciate life's little triumphs'? I don't even know if I can tutor them lower secondary maths or science or whatever subject. I don't even have much of an experience to share, except that I don't like my family and that school's been forced on me only till university level. There are also so many things that I have not done that my peers seemed to have. I'm just like a caveman, an MTV watching, internet surfing caveman who doesn't know which stream flows to the river and which stream flows into the rapids and waterfalls.

I'm afraid the kid asking me questions which I can't answer. Yes nobody has answers for everything. But.. but.. but. I just seem so ignorant on life. Sure I probably know more current affairs than most people my age, but life in general just seems to be so skeptical from my point of view.

I have once again come to the conclusion that I'm in fear of rejection.

I mean wtf is wrong with me?? I haven't even gone for the interview, yet thinking of all this bullshit. A stranger might well think "Gee university kids these days have too much time thinking and writing all this bollocks."

Everything I wanna do, I'm just so afraid. And people tell me you have to try to find out. I need counselling. To transfer all these bloody negative energy into something positive. Don't recommend me self help books you think I'd bother reading?
Always felt like going since JC days. Will be interesting talking to strangers trying to gain your trust.

And now as a mentor it will be the same thing. If I do get in one of my goals will be to hang out with his friends and family altogether. That will really mean we have bonded. I look forward to this certain kind of relationship, something so close like a kinship. Maybe it's what I'm lacking that's pulling me so close to this programme. I have a month to clear my mind. Right now I want to go, but this fear is wracking havoc in my puny brain.

~
It hasn't help that since 930pm I've been feeling terrible inside. I don't know how to put it out. I wanna talk to someone but I don't know who. I don't know how. I wanna go to the beach and listen to the waves, lie on the sand, stare at the stars, with someone I trust lying by my side.

I wanna go now.

triggering Mr Ng HS |